Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
