Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
