I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
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