He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
