We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
