Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
