38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I forgot how hot balto sounded
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
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