what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
