Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
farters have to be the big spoon...
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
