Ambien. No doubt about it.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
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