Where are you?
In a non slutty way
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
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