I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
