"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
