don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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