How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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