shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
