you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
