my text book just quoted the cookie monster
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
