Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
