i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize
