So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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