dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
