We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
