Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
