This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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