upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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