There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
