Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
