You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
