No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Randomize
