I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
