I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
