I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
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