So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
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