Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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