I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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