the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
