Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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