So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Randomize
