I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
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