there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Princesses don't give blow jobs
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
He keeps bees of course he's weird
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
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