can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
