Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
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