What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
