Already got asked if we're dating
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
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