this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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