you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
