He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
please come you make the beer taste better
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
