shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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