He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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