I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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