So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Naked Twister starts at high noon
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
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